I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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