watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
