I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
