Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
