Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize