you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
