If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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