You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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