Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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