i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
