My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize