People in love make me want to vomit
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
