This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
