There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
