YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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