i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
