I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
