I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
