The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
