I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
