erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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