So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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