Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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