she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
