I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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