@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
