so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
