the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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