apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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