I hate all girls vehemently.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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