ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We got so high we made milksteak
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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