there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize