well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
