I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Even my vagina gasped.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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