Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My ATM looks so different sober.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
