Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i now understand why vodka
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
