Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
