Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
