Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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