i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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