the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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