Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize