At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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