Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Randomize
