im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
