I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
