end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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