apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
