I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
