I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
