I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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